uplatelyinmyhead

i dont know whats the story with weird names for the blogs i think i cant express myself anymore with one word. or its just one word that expresses me. i need sleep and i am tired of thinking too much and not studying at all. today or was it yesterday - i let the sun in me and she is right, the world starts to turn again! the winter is officially over, its been like long time of frozen beauty and shit, sickness and dark hours, cold and nice evenings at once and now it all has melted and damn right i will go with the flow and let myself carry with it. the tide is high. i want to let it all in and let go of all the rest and fucking enjoy the wakening outside. and wake inside. its coming and i feel it, little by little, i feel happier and tickelish and i want to do good and smile more. today L was totally down and sick after the doc not even able to get out from her place so i took my last pennies and free moments and run to the dorm to bring some fresh juice and colorful salad. she was happy. people happy around you should be not envied but you should let them shine on you, i feel this the more i talk with H or A, friends are humans and humans can be tired of being in the middle of everyones life, especially when you are actually tired of it yourself. sometimes some things must be solved yourself, youve just got to figure it out yourself. like O had bday and i gave him a picture I drew of Puhh flying with a balloon staring at the angry "honeybirds" and the meaning was simply "face your fears and find your honey". we had not seen eachother for a weird weektime now and i realized i missed this person and i simply enjoy the company bad so the latenite cider was a good idea after all .)i am sucking in the sun and getting ready for the weekend semi Haapsalu/Tallinn. today i just found myself thinking of asking one day tallinn to come over to tartu too, at the moment when we can go to sit outside at grass and take a beer and get our asses naked in zavood after a supercool concert, if they would like to come. Id cook, massage, smoke and bath em. if not I´ll just drag H here and we go out with the misses A and I. and she is also right about one other thing, whenever you find yourself in times of trouble, and mother mary comes to speak the words of wisdom, then fuck mary - the answer is work. depressed or crazy, let it all out - write crazy poems, paint sick paintings, go and take photos of old people, write songs or read as much as you can and do the schoolstuff, just simply work. the more you do (fuck the tiredness) the more you are.