song of the day by bon iver

the first day in barcelona:
why did i left in the first place?

they are locals here btw

bcn

a night in pärnu buss station could be that depressing? would of never believed that. got on the bus to riga from there. spent the whole trip half sleeping, half crying, half zombie. sometimes we suprise ourselves. got to rigas airport at five am. my check-in to barcelona started at 9.50, didnt really know what to do, so i wondered around in the airport, but the memories are still too fresh and they tortured me so i went to sleep, slept like two hours a day before that and even more - getting on the bus, i was on a birthday before the bus, and that was so dull, that me and my sis, we just decided to get drunk... so in the airport, i was lonely and dead tired. i fell a sleep afront of my gate and woke up, but it was a little too early to wake, so i fell asleep again until a stjuardess knocked on me and asked where i am heading. "barcelona" I sayd, still sleepy. "well there is a plane waiting for you". how i love packing things, getting dressed and running on a plane when you have just a second and all you really want to do is punsh that pretty face.

i was never a machine, who is

its night and it only gives me headache when i think how much more i have to do and how much of it is still not even formed as something. shit. so i leave the country again in two days, and before that i must see many people, pass by Pärnu end up in Riga, not miss a flight and make it to Barcelona, to go to Andorra. at least its worth it. and these days would be neverending nothingless when you dont have great music around, or even more - great people. i just found one more, that i have no idea how to tell thankyou or even if to tell, this desirves so much more and i dont know how to give this. special people. there is some. and the best of it all, is to find it out again and again, some from the past, some from thus around you and many that you havent met jet. god damn, what a day. i never was a machine, who is

hey Sid, whats up?

wish you were here

to Jack, Jim and Mary Jane

you are so far and jet so close,
there is still time, not a minute to waist
I am already yours, now be mine.
too many what ifs and way too much
that and this, its now or never its now
or what if.

its the same song playing again, time is music.
just dont forget it has its own vibe,
yes, you can stay for longer
but in the end its just a smile
I can die for you,
but I cant live your life.

missing smone

sometimes you miss somebody so much it can hurt. and all you can do is think about that person, you write a shitty poem, maybe a stupid song, have a glass of something and roll one, but nothing seems to help. Led Z plays, then pink floyd and then ACDC. What a day? I hanged the KISS poster on my wall, it fits but I just damn it all and miss more. why do we miss people so much? because it was good to have them around? you felt yourself to be alive? because of all the things you did and all that were never done? why we miss people at all? I soppose we dont want to be alone. and to be someone we need another. simple semiotics say: me is the one who says you. if there is no you, I cant say "me".

crap it is what its called

so a little and painful summary of the last three days ive had. two days ago, i went out with some friends and were in this place called "tucholsky" - its one of the Kiels underground places, the first time I went there, i thought its a sleasy strip club, well it was not - it was just a sleasy club. and the last time I went there, two days before Christmas I got robed. my bag was stolen while I was dancing with my back to it and most of it, aswell my passport, was tried to flush down in the mens toilet- i got my overopeed passport and the bag itself, but lost a camera with all the pics from Kiel and some nice amount of money and a pair of keys that were not mine and there was four carkeys and a pair to a important place. nothing to do about it. congradulatoions and merry christmas. the next day was our last day at work, so when we were working late hours i had the first real migren in my life. in one point i kind of passed out and in the next one I threw up. merry christmas. the morning after that i couldnt eat and when i did, we almost missed our plane in Hamburg and then spent the whole day of 24th in the airports. did I say merry christmas? At least the picture is great, if you can see - there is a mouse stealing grapes. thought it fits in the topic...

plus this

I mean when is it that music becomes just something? I soppose never. I soppose this is why we are addicted of it. I am for sure. So here I am paying a soulprice for being in the net and all I do in the end is look for some good vibe. Well, gotta share some with You too:

a) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9nEDkHLEtU&feature=channel

b) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FyvGvV2mXs&feature=channel

c) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNMEdBhvHK8

@ kiel

so, here I am - in Kiel. Im not going to say much about this harbour city - its a small one, with a big and important university, its a little like Rostock or yes, like Tartu. But its not about the place - its about the people. I am with great ones, laughing my ass off at once during a day is the best cure for depressing Christmas fuzz, not even mentiong that my work is about selling mulled vine... I am happy. Thats all I wanted to say.

Michael Kenna

I really love the work of this English artist who now lives in San Fransisco and he is over 50 something. He soesent leave much trace and he is not very famous. His works are always in black and white, which has been always the most amusing for me - the simplicity of it, jet so hard to accomplish. He has mindblowing pictures. I think I am in love with each one of them. And even more I am fond of them due do the fact he likes to shoot in Japan.

this is me

mysterious postcard

so, one day (I should say night) when I came home, I found a postcard for me from the kitchen at 4 am in the morning. It said in Estonian:

knock, knock, is Maria at home?

I dont think so

Well, tell her that I read her travelling letters and here I am sitting in Barcelona and staring at the tower of Barcelonas commercial center. 29.11. Barcelona


I have no idea who sent me this. I even dont know myself the postal code, not even talking about friends knowing my adress where I live now. What a bizarre thing, it makes me crazy and I think on it almost every day. Is it a friend, or a stranger - not jet a friend, or just someone. I mean - do I know you? Or - how do you know me? Do you read this aswell? Who are you?

more

a) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOZ6ptqcbUc&feature=PlayList&p=BDD6693597416895&index=0&playnext=1
(the creepiest video I have seen so far!)

b) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOyNzN6fUXY&feature=PlayList&p=BDD6693597416895&index=4

c)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vShBg0pFbb4&feature=related
(this one is GREATT!)

d) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjc4jVzc-kg&feature=PlayList&p=BDD6693597416895&index=3

e) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LoT8Pllg10&feature=related

queer

hey boy, take a look at me

let me dirty up your mind

I'll strip away your hard veneer

and see what I can find

the queerest of the queer

the strangest of the strange

the coldest of the cool

the lamest of the lame

the numbest of the dumb

I hate to see you here

you choke behind a smile

a fake behind the fear

the queerest of the queer

this is what he pays me for

I'll show you how it's done

you learn to love the pain you feel

like father like son

the queerest of the queer

hide inside your head

the blindest of the blind

the deadest of the dead

you're hungry `cause you starve

while holding back the tears

choking on your smile

a fake behind the fear

the queerest of the queer

paranoia

I am writing this reaserch or essay about the privacy of internet due to mass- communi- cation and the more I dig out interesting materials, the more paranoid I get. Its like I just entered my name, and I almost got everything about me - fckin creepy that is. In the United States of America you can even by ones criminal record if you want to! So here I am going crazy about all this material I find about all this material I should not find...

sun day

time passes by. the weekend is gone already. how weird everything sometimes seems, like it all is just an bling of an eye. ive been studying the whole day. and dreaming at the same time of something far and beyonde. maybe its just this depressing weather we have outside that makes me longing for something else, something not so usual. maybe its just general desire to travel. i dont know. lately ive been trying to write all the letters i`ve always promised to write and send to some friends far, these letters always take much more time than the normal ones. tomorrow is 1th of december, there is christmas hanging everywhere, even if it is november and shitty weather. i am here and i still have a lot to do. lazy ass.

friendly fires

yes, please

I have always and I will forever love rock and roll. Its t h e music for me. My first music record

ever was an old vinule of the Beatles, I think it was the "A hard days night". And its the music I love until now. I also have to admit that I like the newage pop rock and roll bands aswell, so I decided to put some of my favourite songs as liks up. And I promise the day will come, when I organize a rocknroll party, where only good old rock and roll is playd and maybe a little bit of good indie.

a) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eDWrlDR-Ro&feature=related

b) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tuvX_X7Rlw&feature=related

c)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nP1LLjtTl_w&feature=related

d)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjojFGEg7pI
f) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iL_RbCGxqsc&feature=related

daydream

Be good,
thinking of you
when it snows
or when alone.
I see you
looking at me
feeling the same
things that used to be
dont worry
in my heart I carry
all that is done
and all what comes
a daydream my love.

music mania

"more!" is the word that adjusts the society best, I am in it. in the society of music, the president of sound, the prime minister of beat, the council of rythm, the king of volume - thank you.

a) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnHJhy68Q98&feature=channel

b)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9LwpTYLJvY&feature=channel

newage winterwear in Japan

Nippon

the former name of Tokyo was Edo, I remeber this from somewhere. you see - every time I see first snow I dream and desire of seeing hanami in Japan. altough it is in spring, it comes to my mind with snow. and I know why - because all the famous cherry blossoms remind me snow as they are pure and beautiful. i wish to go to Japan so much that sometimes the desire to go just makes me crazy. I have two destinations that are a must in my lifetime - Japan and India. And one is not even close to its purpose of going to another. Japan is what I need to discover. India will descover me. all what is weird about Japan, I like. all what people find obscure, I think its interesting and it makes me so sad, knowing that for an european it will be forever impossible to be a part of this culture. still my next mission - pick up japanese. learning the galligraphy for me is a thrill. beautiful art it is.

the joy

so its here - the first snow. I woke up, sleepy - walked to the table to take something and looked up - ! there was a nice white layer of pure joy covering the land. I could feel how the earth was getting sleepy, the nature becoming lazy. made me feel the same way, I felt like staying in the bed in my warm room, looking out of the window and reading something nice "The shadow of the wind" for example. and a big mug of tea. whenever winter comes I think on eternity. I dont know why. there is something misterious in winter, in its being. why the world sleeps? its not only because of the pure fysics, but I think the planet is using the time to think. sounds silly. but I was thinking about it and I could just feel how earth is having a rest. soon everything will be frozen, in sleep. except the little greyish squirrel whom I saw today in the morning chilling around in the garden and this little one seemd to have fun, as there was still apples on the ground with seeds inside. I looked at the squirrel, zipped the hothot tea in my hands, and smiled. so small things, when they can make you happy, they do it double. the joy of snow. the joy of winter. the joy of a lovely morning. the joy of having time. the joy of having joy.

my favorite doctor

Sometimes I crave for something so bad. Like there are mornings when I think I will die if I dont get bubble water (mostly the ones after a party or so...). At noon I usually feel that the day cant go further without a nice cup of caffe. After the school I want to get something very sweet - like a nice cake of chocolate with peanuts and berries. And always after something too sweet I feel like cooking something nice and salty - potatoes with cheese mmm, or a simple pasta with seeds and mushrooms and lots of herbal spices. Eating always makes me to want to have a lovely tea after. Warm, tasty tea with a bit of honey or brown sugar and at least two slices of lemon. Then I fill myself with good music and later I`d like to have a snack - something fresh like cucumber with a creamy salsa, garlic in it. But this is just the way the day runs. In big picture? I mean - how many is there moments when we have a need for something. I have heaps. Sometimes I have to have an apple. And many times anything else but an apple. There are days I dont want to eat and egg for breakfast and so many days when I do so. All these days I crave for cooking the best cheese cake in the whole planet and some days that really seem to be the end of the world because I cant have an ice-cream. And why am I writing this now? Because it feels like the day would be so much nicer if I only could have one Dr. Pepper...

other stuff you find

Ive been looking around for music accidentally, never really looking for something sure and this is they way to find cool stuff:


a) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbPEM5eI0_g

b) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIuQYnwswJo&feature=related

c) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5cb6raPGj0

e) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5XVeENmLMk

d)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFkhDwquBsE&feature=related

Adi Dassler

Adolf (Adi) Dassler was a trained pastry chef, who made his first pair of running shoes in his parents laundry room in 1918. 1924 he started a company with his brother Rudolf (Rudi). As they both had been long time active in sport, it was not weird for both of them to start with a sportswear company. The first running shoes they made, became very famous. American athlete Jesse Owens won in 1936 at the olimpic games in Berlin four gold medals with these shoes.
Life after the tough years of the II WW made the brothers go seperate ways and then both of them started their own personal companies: Adi started "adidas" and Rudi started "puma". Adi, who was more in the factory, than in the office, was still more clever and become big with: three stripes that were taken in use in 1949, 1954 he evented football shoes with screwable corks that the German national football team was wearing already at the same year on the world cup which they won. Adidas became a symbol seen everywhere with the football team. He also brought first leather football to market and became the official ball supporter of world cup in Mexico at 1970.
Adi and Rudi didnt speak a word after going seperate ways and tried to trick eatchother in all ways, to show who is better. At 1978 died Adi Dassler, his brother died four years earlier.

lazy sea gull

I am like the lazy sea gull on the picture. I had a day to do all what I had to do and it became a day of doing nothing. I have been in the world of music for the whole day as I am playing music tonight at Juuksur. Back from Barcelona. I spent most of yesterday in air or airports. Tomorrow back to Tartu and school begings again. Ive been thinking on so many things lately and wanting to do so much, but there is something to stop me all the time. I made some conclusions and put it all into a list. I just have to start with it, one by one.

a man with a very big cock

all the same

the little shops, open until late
the noise of people passing by
small streets, lots of lights
and above all - the heat.
so much dirt and what to see,
the touch of art and history.
the hidden faces, moments
of misery, you and me
wondering the streets -
meeting whats not to see.
the red light distric, smell of weed.

what a wonderful city it is.

and you keep walking.
everybody is talking or selling,
too many people yelling. ah -
there goes loads of giris,
what a joke it is,
they wear the mexican hats,
I would really make a bet that
they have no idea, how locals
like to catch
them on photos to have later a nice show
how turists make fools out of themselves
living like mice - nice and well,
where the cat is not around, and who
becomes far from home
feels that all to him belongs
thinks the best of oneself
and forgets the host.

all the same - you pay and
we make the face. conceptually
a quite nice game.

vespa - another want

barcelona

the places still have my smell. when I see them, I smile and I think of memories that I dont find faded. they have their pulse, a small beat and the same heart as ever. yes - it is my city. my depression and love, my tears and joy. its the hard work and sunny days, dirty streets and coolest parties. its the friends I made, all what I shared - given and to give. and yet all is weird and a little different, but its not the city - its me. how fast we become further of what we love?

a newage god - internet

4 like ever

I would name the picture:

"A girl cant help it"

wallet-sized want!

+ I found this picture that tells me fairytales. What all I would do for having things like this still on the sales - I mean

The Beatles bubblegum that has wallet-sized pictures of `em gods inside? I would be living out of these, who the hell likes bread when you`ve got Beatles bubblegum! Gosh, total forgotten boner that is, yes.

bubblegum crisis

Today we had a test in the morning, went well, as I didint review the materials much. Later on, in the lecture of French I was chewing bubblegum. Its so good when its still colorful and tasty and becomes a total "iu,iu,iu" when you have been chewing it for too long. In the genial Tartu Univesity, where there is not a single garbage pin in the classes, you really have to think what to do with the gum you dont want to chew anymore. So I decided to put it on the edge of my notebook, so I would remember to throw it away when the class ends. BUT as I am always the one who has no partner when it comes to working in pairs, I must be the one doing the exercises with our teacher. Not that I have anything against it, nor against her, but it is rather embrassing when she is stuck on your notebook with her sleeve and tries to get the gum out of her sweater...

what u find

t h i s is WhAt yoUfi n d w h E n l o O k i ng4 j a Pan i s e

SOunD.


aRt?

japanoise

I went to a concert of traditional japanese music from the Edo period playd by a famous player with an instrument which is a string one called koto. I didnt open my eyes until the break came. It was magnificent. The music was almost transparent, yet so rich and so old. You could feel it, inside of you playing along with something in you, not knowing exactly what is that thing, tingling softly, giving you all these emotions. What a powerful emotion that was. I felt like conquering Japan again, longing to see this lost country so far from Europe and close to who we are in general - humans under the sun we all share. Sometimes I think that I am made of notes and half tones and pauses and I have a key, all you have to know, is how to play in it.

i am sterdam

yesterday something cool and weird happened, I have been longing to see Amsterdam for a long time and somehow things turned up so that two beautiful and smart gals said yepyepyep and we only had to by the tickets out. But when things have to go well, in my case they always turn up a little messy - so it was like this also yesterday, we had to buy the tickets out within one hour as the office was closed at six and it was the last day of the offering. Me and the other girl had the money to buy our tickets, but not for the third one, so we, for a while, didnt know what to do, we counted all we had and ended up missing exactly 600 krones. We thought what to do, so we went to ask another friend of ours, maybe she has some to lend, as we couldnt reach our third mate. We met the other girl, where she works and asked if its possible, to help us out, as it is very urgent and lend some money and she said: "I have exactly 600 krones".

praise the coffee

a good espresso
or a lousy machine one
a big latte, cream and foam
a cortado, double size
nice cup of homemade
good stuff
or not so good -
coffee really is my God.

mornings

its kind of weird - all this.
and it definately is,
hard to define
hello,
thanks
I`m fine
so, no, yes, what about you
I know, the mornings are good,
but why dont you never tell me
what you really like, why this mood?
ah, it doesent matter who
in the end its still
about me and you
dear morning -
youre sometimes
so untrue.

things you find

and today I found some cool stuff from the net. I usually dont surf around that much, I soppose I just got lucky. But the first link is about a guy who does speed drawing (which I am so going to learn one day) and as he works as quite famous animator, his works speak for himself - so I am not going to do it: http://www.area-56.de/chapter56/labels/Paintings.html. The other good discovery I had, was because I was searching for a record list that a huge club in Barcelona gives out and what I found is that: http://www.residentadvisor.net/dj.aspx

the week begins without me

Kind of exhausting is to run from the center of Helsinki, having billion bags to other end of the center to find out that you just missed your bus and you need to take a taxi to the harbor (we are talking about Länsisatamaa) and when you finally get there you feel sorry for the money so you come off earlier and have to run even the last hundreds of meters on the heels, just enough to get you swetty before the check-in, where you stand and do nothing after all this buzz. And you still feel like being hurry. God, I dont like this feeling. So here I am, its monday and I didnt even noticed it. I will go to the shop to find some icecream, who else is addicted, raise hands!

the night

tiredness. or just a mess? there is no words in the night, but there is music, sometimes damp light and a sure feeling of the knowledge having other people around you - sleeping, not knowing in their warm dreams that somewhere close is someone who cannot sleep. so the music keeps sending every second of the time that passes as a engine that keeps the night running, feels like the sounds in one point become oxygen and you get paranoid about the electricity going away... did I wrote tired already?

not another thursday?

And I also like autumn rain, only sometimes but when I do, I love it. It feels like something warm and soft around you, not against but protecting you. You almost see, definately feel, how the earth under you breathes. Breathes for the last time, before the winter comes and does it with joy. I am dreaming of colourful rubberboots.

verner

mulle hirmsasti meeldib, kui mu cappuccino on tehtud nii hästi, et ma võin vaadata, kuidas pruun suhkur läbi vahunelmate vajub ja seleks kulub pikk aeg ja samal ajal võin kätega soojast tassist kinni hoida ja mõelda, kui hea saab see kohv olema. aga veel rohkem meeldib mulle, et vahest juhtuvad tobedalt armsad kokkusattumused, nagu siis, kui õpetaja küsis prantsuse keeles ühe õpilaste käest klassis, et millal on su sünnipäev ja sai vastuseks "täna".

the kids love techno

kõige parem on, kui muusika on su sees ja ümber. ma ei tea mittemidagi paremat, kui seda - sulgen oma silmad, seisatan korraks ja lasen muusikal enda sisse valguda ja tunnetan aeglaselt kuidas minust saab beat, flow ja vibe. mida parem on muusika, seda parem on mul, lihtsalt peost ja tantsuhoost saab iseenda nautimine. võibolla see kõlab veidralt, aga väga hea muusika ja sellele andumine on äärmiselt sarnane iseenda nautimisele kellegi teisega. kui sa ei oska end sellisele tasemele viia, et suudad muusika tõttu külavärinaid tunda, ei tea ka millest räägin. aga proovi, let yourself go, dance like no one is watching, let it all in, and later give it all out.

sheep

voodis vedeledes, langeb valgus mu selja tagant seinale, kus asetsevad vinüülid. suurest aknast tuppa langev valgus on soe ja nukker ja kui valgusel oleks maitse, maitseks tänane õhtupäike nagu just jahtunud puuviljatee, mis on magus aga oleks nagu liiga kauaks seisma jäänud ja kibedaks muutunud. mu seinal kasvavad varjud on üpriski kummalised, aina pikemaks venides langeb vari läbi pihlapuude okste, jättes mu seinale mingi kummalise mulje nagu etendaks valgus ja vari mingisugust ürgset ja erootilist tantsu. ma ei suuda end mitte unustada unistama. mängib pink floyd.